Too lazy to think of a decent title :|

I don't know if it's just because I'm still insanely tired, or if my hormones are a bit out of whack at the moment or something, but my emotions are all over the place today >:

The nervousness this morning was understandable - I was walking into an unknown building to take my first exam as a university student and didn't know what to expect at all. I'm not a big fan of change, so obviously I was a bit uneasy as the way it was out set out was very different to the types of exams I've taken in the past, which admittedly we were pretty much spoon-fed the information for.

Next came the euphoria of feeling like said exam actually went well for once. Of course, the nasty, paranoid voice in my mind was still making snarky comments along the lines of "that probably means you've failed, it usually does..." but for now I'm ignoring him/her/it. For the most part, I've been in a good mood all day because I had plenty to say for the exam and more or less knew what I was talking about.

Wasn't quite sure what to do with myself, so I decided to lay in bed and watch some DVDs. Watched The Emperor's New Groove just because I haven't seen it in a while. I'd planned to watch some others when I remembered that my dad had sent me a few Bones episodes on DVD that he'd taped for me (it's pretty much the only tv show I watch), so I watched them instead. They made me laugh (maggots in a blender and someone getting squashed by some american school bleachers...what's not funny about that!?) and strangely enough, tear up a bit when one had a happy, sappy ending! This never happens, so I figured LOL HORMONES. >:

Theeeen after that I came online as my mum said she would be online at some point and I didn't want to miss her. I ended up finding something that made me feel irrationally, insanely jealous which also makes me feel a bit silly. Then there was more happiness when I found out that my mum got us both places on the Somme trip someone at her work is organising, so I'm looking forward to going on that. Then she gave me some news regarding a club we're part of in the summer that pissed me off. Thing is, it's one of those cases where I'm annoyed at a possible scenario. It hasn't actually happened, and it won't necessarily happen, and yet just the idea of it irritates the hell out of me. Why is that??

Anyway. To end the emotional rollercoaster that is today, I'm now feeling really lethargic. Can't be bothered to eat, can't be bothered to watch this anime episode, can't be bothered to watch another dvd, can't be bothered to rp, can't be bothered to revise...it's going to be a slow night...

So after all is said and done / I know I'm not the only one

I wouldn't describe myself as a particularly superstitious person. I don't care about walking under ladders, I don't see what the big fuss is regarding black cats, and I'm of the opinion that the only thing you should be worried about if you break a mirror is that you don't cut yourself on the glass.

That being said, I have just received a parcel from my mum, containing among other things a purple beaded bracelet. You know the sort, they were really popular in the nineties and the different coloured ones meant different things. I had several, but my favourite one was my amethyst one (because that's my birth stone), and because it means 'intelligence', I decided I would wear it for good luck when I did the 11+ exam in my last year of primary school. And I passed. Since then I've worn it in every exam I've taken. The only times I've forgotten to wear it? I failed the exams I was sitting.

Needless to say I've become quite superstitious regarding this cheap piece of jewellery, and upon realising I hadn't thought to bring it to uni with me, there was a frantic email to my mum requesting that she send it up to me asap. Part of me feels kind of silly about the whole thing; deep down I think I know that whether I'm wearing a particular bracelet or not won't really affect my performance in an exam, but I'll wear it anyway to be on the safe side.

And as for the relevance of the song I included...way back in, I think it was year 10, my friend and I discovered the cheesiest thing that ever cheesed, aka "Not Too Young, Not Too Old" by Aaron Carter. If you listen to the lyrics, it really is a pretty naff song, but it's also incredibly catchy. My friend and I found ourselves actually coming to like it and for some reason, although I don't remember why now, we started singing it one time when we were waiting to go in for our mock English exam. After that it became something of a tradition; we would always make sure we sang it because it was funny and kept us relaxed. Again, the one time we forgot to sing it, for our mock English A Level, neither of us did particularly well. Coincidence? I don't know...

I don't understand why people get so upset by things like breaking a mirror, but I'll tolerate their superstitions because I can relate to them, silly as it may be.

Keep myself awake

I hate it that I am most inspired to write when I should be sleeping. As mentioned in my entry of 12/03/08, I like my sleep. Why, then, is it that my best ideas occur to me in the early hours of the morning? I will be laying there, willing myself to fall asleep (it's a cruel irony that someone who likes sleep so much should suffer from mild insomnia), when the idea for a plot or even just a line to include in a story somewhere will pop into my head. And of course this further prevents me from dropping off; do I risk going to sleep and just hope I will remember to write down my idea in the morning? No, there's no way I'll remember it. So on goes the PDA (turning on a lamp to write on paper instead is a) too much effort, and b) the light would hurt my eyes), tap-tap-tap, I type everything out painstakingly slowly. By this time of course there's no stopping the flow of words and before I know it, it's 5am, I have to be up by 9, and I'm exhausted.

My hopes were alone in the desolate night sky / They soared high until they were crushed

It's good to be back. Hn. When I went into the kitchen yesterday to unpack my shopping, three of my flat mates were sitting in there talking. And clearly it was too much effort to say anything other then "hello", which they only did after I greeted them. Cliques are so annoying.

And then, once all the flatmates were back, a flat meeting was called. We have had several of these in the past, enough that I now dread them when someone knocks on my door asking if I'm busy, as I'm wanted in the kitchen. It's always the same; Nena bitching about how she's the only one who ever does the cleaning. Our survey says....ah-ah. The rest of us do plenty of cleaning thanks (except maybe Winky, I'm not too sure what happens with her). It's just that when Nena does the cleaning, she does everything, rather than just two or three things that need doing according to the rota, which was what we all agreed we would do when we first decided to do a cleaning rota. So of course this means that nothing gets done for a couple of days, because there's no point cleaning stuff which has only just been cleaned, and before anyone else can do something, there's Nena whining that she's the only one who ever cleans. Yeah, doesn't make much sense to me either.

And then of course there's the fact that Winky and I are rarely even in the flat/don't use the communal area apart from to cook food. I don't even remember the last time I sat and watched the tv (even though I paid my share of the license), or even ate my meal at the table. Meanwhile the Golden Trio throw parties and lord knows what, leaving everything a mess, which I have cleaned up on numerous occasions. So basically I clean up after other people just to make sure I can't be told I'm not doing enough in the flat, only to still have to sit through "I'm not pointing fingers, but..." flat meetings. I'm not sure in what alternate universe this would be considered fair, but clearly this is where my flatmates hail from.

It's a shame that my first post after my easter break had to be one in which I whine and complain, but c'est la vie. At least it's something to talk about.